Saturday 26 October 2013

Glitches and Nudity.

This has to have been the funniest trial I've come across so far. Not because of the content, but the glitches. They had me in stitches (Excuse the rhyme, couldn't resist). So lots of pictures in this post. 
But first off, I came across an ice sculptor who wanted something to inspire him. So my first thought was "naked model" - he was a guy, of course this would "inspire" him. Then I thought, hey this is a kid's game,
Naked Party!
why not break the rules and have a mass orgy... completely naked... in the snow... *Summons more naked models.* They all had the sort of Sims censor over them though, and the sculptor sculpted them with clothes on, which kind of ruined the fun.
Anyway, to the trial! I needed to help three mountaineers climb to the top of a mountain. First of all I had to clear some rubble from an avalanche. So why the hell not an excavator. I told it to attack the rocks, but
The Most Effective Way To Excavate
it decided to do it in a different way. It lamely hit the rocks with its claw thing until they broke. It took a while too. And it decided to try and climb the rocks all by itself, until it tipped itself over with me in it. It was fun though. Apparently dynamite would have worked quicker, but where's the fun in that?

Next, the ice giants created a snow storm that I had to try and help the mountaineers survive. So I gave them a fireplace, but accidentally dropped it on top of one of them, who started screaming and then ran OVER the ice rock that stopped them moving on... So technically I helped? I tried various other things to help them survive,
like a walking pole, the kind trekkers use... but it literally gave me a pole that walks. So I summoned an "evil pole" and laughed hysterically as these two poles beat each other up. So I gave him a walking stick and goggles but they didn't work either. Fussy people.
 So then I gave them a "coat" and "shelter" and it worked, although it looked like more of a bomb shelter, and I accidentally dropped that on someone's head too, and they got stuck in it. Oops.
The Lonely Shelter
We carried on up the mountain, and the person in the bomb shelter brought the entire thing with her. At first I couldn't figure out why we were being followed by inanimate objects, it was a bit of a strange experience. 
God? Pfft. What Else You Got?
So at the peak of the mountain, they wanted me to create something they'd want to find at the summit. I summoned ice cream, that wasn't good enough. Then I thought, "maybe they wanted to find enlightenment." *Summons God.*
Apparently God wasn't all that interesting a thing to find at the top of a mountain. Oh well. 

But yeah, I had fun. As well as this trial, I had to help some rock climbers down, so I made a black hole underneath them and it sucked them in. Technically it worked. Scribblenautically, it didn't. 

Tuesday 22 October 2013

Killing Santa Claus.

Still on The Abian Sea Front, I had to help Santa load his sleigh. For the nice children's three presents: a fish, a shoe and a reindeer. For the naughty: a lump of coal. I did try to think of something witty, but I may have accidentally set fire to the sleigh so I had to hurry and choose the sensible option before redoing the whole thing. I originally created slender man for the naughty children... turns out he is literally a slender man, who wore glasses and looked a little like a paedophile... I guess that would've worked too.
Then he asked me to clear some snow, and make Rudolph's nose shinier with an adjective. I tried to make him fabulous, but apparently Rudolph didn't know how to be fabulous. I made him dazzling instead, so he could blind Santa as he flies his sleigh (it actually looked more like a train if I'm honest). Besides, it serves him right for making cutbacks... how does he expect poor Rudolph to fly his fat butt around on his own? Bring back the other reindeer! Though that's probably my fault for giving them away as children's presents.
Also, here's a life tip for you: if you give a lump of snow a banana, it'll turn into a snowman. 
In the new area (yay a ski resort!) a rabbit spoke to me and told me a trap looked really dangerous... so I picked the rabbit up and threw it into the trap. I feel bad, and you're probably thinking, "how could you! Such an innocent little thing!" well rabbits shouldn't talk. It makes me feel uncomfortable, like they're planning something evil with their red little eyes. 
Eating Crunchy Snowflakes
Two guys were stood on a patch of ice, complaining about how it could hurt someone, so I gave them ice skates like a sensible person, but NO. Not good enough, but SUMMONING THE SUN right next to them was a good idea. Then I had to watch them eating snowflakes like weirdos, but they crunched as they ate them. I'm not so sure they really were snow...
I found a trial to do, and it was called Searching For Santa. It told me Santa had crash landed and that he'd been sabotaged. *Innocent look*
To be fair, it could have been because he was in prison earlier, it's not necessarily my fault. So I made his reindeer shiny, so what? Maybe he's an alcoholic, and that explains his belly.
This trial was very much a who dunnit, which I enjoyed. I made Mrs. Claus a
Epic Detective
sheriff, and when the detective asked for something to aid him in the interview, I gave him some cool shades (And then a gun to help him interrogate Jack Frost. He looked badass).

There was a Santa hat stuck in some snow, and the dog dug the snow up to revel a skeleton wearing the hat. Then Santa came down the hill on his reindeer like "YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D!" but it creeped me out. Who was the dead guy then, Santa's brother?! There was still a murder! And as for the sabotaging of the sleigh, I'm happy for them to forget that investigation...
Your Average Crazy Wizard
I had to give various types of people different things to use down the ski slope. The first guy was a skiier so I thought I'd say "fuck you" to him and give him a snowboard instead. The next was an Eskimo, so she went skiing on the top of an igloo. Was a little weird. The chef got a frying pan, and the farmer totally cheated by going on his tractor. The wizard asked for something mystical to ride, and it was quite funny watching him try skiing on a crystal ball. As for the zombie, it was a hipster, and didn't want to eat brains so instead it skiied on a human heart. Because #yolo. Oh wait!


Monday 21 October 2013

Flying Rhinos and Black Holes

Continuing on with the Pirate area, I had to give the ghostly crew items they once loved in order to "lift the curse." The warrior asked for a medieval weapon, so I gave him a stick. The hairless pirate wanted some facial hair, so I gave him a goatee, the most fearsome goatee of the seven seas! The clever ghost wanted his brain back, so I gave him a brain with the adjective "useless" attached to it. He didn't complain - how could he without thoughts. Mwhaha. 
Not Good Enough

Then I tried to help a ninja escape from his prison on the ship with a hiding place. I gave him a frickin Trojan Horse, but clearly this guy didn't want to do it in style, so I gave him a crate instead.
Also, revisiting the crow's nest in the crow's nest mentioned in the previous post, turns out the crow had lain a MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON. So I hatched it and rode it and made it eat a parrot. 
Then I had to crew out a ship. Apparently a fisherman isn't qualified enough to captain the ship, so a sailor had to do. Then they needed someone good with money, so I created a politician, for teh lulz. I loved that they didn't accept him as good with money, but they also said the mum I created wasn't good enough either (It's okay though, I got her a job in the kitchen... after a mishap with the oven. I swear to God ovens - or any containers for that matter - are just portholes to other universes in this game).
I Want One
They needed someone in the dungeons, so I put an idiot in there, who came complete with simple face and a dunce cone. Aww!
Anyway, I moved on to a place called "Abian Sea Front," where I gave a guy a new home (cave) but the CAVE started freaking out and JUMPING all over the place. 
An astrologer asked me for something "new to see in space" so I created a load of constellations and stuff, but she didn't like it. So I gave her a flying rhino and she wasn't even impressed. A flying rhino! How could you not be amazed?! So I gave her her stupid star and she was happy. 
This made me wonder. What if I could create a black hole? 
So I did.
Super Massive Black Hole
It destroyed everything. 
Except me.
This is more proof I am God in this game! I even gave it the adjectives "super massive." This made me happy.
I then proceeded to watch an ice sculptor sculpt with scissor, and took a picture of a Yeti holding a slice of cheese (I got the wrong cheese first time round). Was kind of awesome watching him eat the picture I took and not the cheese in his hand. I'm sure he'd be a healthier yeti if he ate proper food. Honestly, Yetis these days.

Pirates, Ninjas and Plutonium

Underwater world! And I had to lift the curse on the mermaid who was turned to stone all Medusa style. Three things on pedestals, boom! Sorted. She wanted to see something from the human world when she was unstoned, so I summoned a bird (which can apparently breathe underwater). The shrimp next to her wanted a new home too, so I gave him a detached little house. Don't know how he opened the door, but he liked it. 
Mein Neptune

Neptune was hiding in a little crevice (not very king-like, not impressed), and needed something to help him rule the oceans. Not hiding away would be good! But I decided what he really needed was a dictator. 
Needless to say it didn't work.. but the dictator was a good swimmer! I gave in to the stereotypes and gave him his damn trident. 
Next came a trial for a full Starite, and I had to stop the League of Mad Scientists from draining the ocean. Dun dun dun! Important stuff. All the Scientists basically wanted bribes (or straw for their robot hamster... pretty sure robot hamsters don't need somewhere to poop). One of them wanted a new element to study, so I gave her plutonium. Much to my delight, she turned green and started crying. Unfortunately her radiation passed to me and took off most of my health, so when I shot a bazooka at the plug stopping the
Yeah Science, Bitch!
water, I blew myself up too. And a fish. 

There was a sleeping Cthulu at the bottom, and I accidentally on purpose threw a massive diamond in his face. I don't know what it says about me that I empathise with massive monsters but laugh maniacally when I give radiation to a human being, but there you go. 
I wandered off to the next area, and came across a pirate ship called the Listy Colon, which is...erm... not the best of names in my opinion. 
Anyway, enough of my dirty mind, I found two people fighting and answered the age old question "ninjas or pirates?" Some of you may disagree... but I gave the ninja a shuriken, and thus the battles was won for the ninjas. 
Suitable Ammunition Methinks
I gave a bird a tree to make a crow's nest in the crow's nest (hah... I see what they did there) and a pirate wanted something he could make a peg leg out of, so I gave him a tree too. When it came to firing something from the cannon at an enemy ship, I tried to give him a tree too, but it didn't work. I tried a fork instead, and that worked fine. I fired the cannon again with a seagull as ammunition and that worked too. Pretty sure if it fits, it ships.
Another pirate was green with scurvy and wanted a cure. As a League of Legends player, my instant thought was an orange, so I gave one to him. It worked! See! Games are educational. Without games, I wouldn't have known the cure for scurvy, clearly an important thing to know in life.

Sunday 20 October 2013

Dr. Ferret and the Fire-Eating Dog

Dr. Ferret
Ironically, the prison has been my favourite area so far. The guards were very relaxed about me going in and freeing the prisoners in various ways, which was cool, I guess, but a little impractical. 
A super villain was wandering around near the entrance in his monocle and top hat which made me like him instantly. He asked me to give him a pet as dastardly and evil as him. 
So I gave him a ferret, and he gave the ferret a matching monocle and top hat. 
I want to be a part of his top secret organisation!
On the second floor, the chef asked me to put something used for digging in a cake to give one of the inmates... I put a spoon in the cake, which had white icing and cherries on top. I was amazed the guy managed to dig through the wall so quickly with the spoon... but I was even more amazed they get cake in prisons! Might be worthwhile to get myself arrested soon by the looks of it. 
Somehow, Santa had also been arrested and found himself on the top floor of the prison. He was losing weight fast, and asked me for something to
 He Has The Stomachs Of A Cow
quench his enormous appetite. So I gave him a burger bigger than himself, which he somehow managed to eat.
Hey, I'm not going to question him. He's magical!
I found an angel on the top floor too, who wanted the fang of a werewolf. I gave her a pair of pliers, and she went to work. 
Kinda felt sorry for him afterwards. Shows that not all angels are good.
I also had to go through a trial to get a Starite, which involved me putting out flames. I figured, why go for a boring old fire extinguisher when I can just create a FIRE-EATING DOG! 
It worked brilliantly. 
But I found those trials difficult and kept dying because of robots and spiky balls, so I'll have to go back to that. 
Frickin' Wolverines
Though there was another trial I found fun, which was giving each of the prisoners a room-mate that shared the same hobbies. The football player wanted someone who loved sports too, so of course I went with something similar to his sport; ballet dancer. I gave the saxophonist a drummer, and a Halfling I gave an elf companion. When it came to the mad Scientist, wanting someone to share his crazy ideas with, I had no idea that when I typed in "nerd," Napoleon Dynamite would appear! It made me happy though. I wonder what other people they've managed to sneak into the game...

The Magical Barbecue

OhmyGodtheyhaveJurassicParkinScribblenauts! And somehow one of the keepers managed to lose a dinosaur. I don't know how, he wasn't exactly small. She wanted a tool that could help her find him, so I gave her a magnifying glass, because clearly if the stupid woman couldn't see him already, she needs her eyes testing. 
Hmm... Wonder Where It Could Be.
I mean, come on. Dinosaurs aren't very good at hiding in bushes... especially in 2D games. 
After that, the dinosaur went on a murderous rampage, and I was tempted to just leave him to it, but then I wouldn't get the Starite. 
But I had fun playing basketball with a Plesiosaurus, building a robot dinosaur using only a knife, a tail, oil and a Tesla coil. All of which apparently cost 5 billion dollars. I also made a sheep believe he was a dinosaur by making him scary. He became a "Fauxsaurus," but I wish him well. He'll struggle to fit in with that society. They'll... eat him alive (Feel free to hate me for that joke). 
When all was right with Dino World, I moved on to a swamp, where pretty much everyone I came across were aliens. The cat, the Vampire, the baby... eve the woman who set me the task. It was a bit trippy, I have to admit. Then again the whole game is. 
But besides the aliens, I found something even more amazing; a
Behold The Miracle!
magical barbecue. It asked me to grill something, so naturally I went with something you don't normally barbecue; a pea. I placed it on the barbecue and it transformed before me into a steak. I didn't believe it, so I did it again. Two peas, two steaks. 

I HAVE SOLVED WORLD HUNGER!
Unfortunately I had to leave the barbecue behind, and head to another area. I found some ruins, where a group of RPG-ers wanted to make a successful party, and I had to kit them out with useful things. 
I gave the Rambo-like macho guy a spear, the ranger a bazooka (I seem to like giving bazookas out to people, I think it's just the word bazooka that's amazing. Bazooka), and the mage a Tesla coil. The healer obviously wanted something useful for healing, so I gave her a doctor. Apparently this wasn't a correct object to use, so I gave her herbs instead. The doctor was terrified of these guys anyway. 
So they began attacking the dragon one at a time, all very turn based. They all died in the flames, and the healer revived them. But when they all came back to life, they just went "fuck it" and all pulled out bazookas and shot the dragon out of the sky. Talk about a waste of effort on my part!
Successful Party Is Successful

Saturday 19 October 2013

Don't Worry, He's 'Armless.

In the next area, I was asked by what I thought was a female character to save a tree from being cut down (Turns out it was yet another brother of Maxwell's). (S)he asked me to stop some Lumberjack from cutting down a tree with a bird's nest in it. At first I gave him an axe because I am a terrible human being. But then I reset the level and tried to stop him from this heinous act.
I removed his arms.
I Suppose He Can Still Kick The Tree To Death?
I literally made him "armless" and it didn't classify it as stopping him. I mean, how could someone with no arms be a threat to a tree?! It just doesn't make sense... So I gave him back his arms and added a "H" in front of the adjective "armless" and it worked. 
My idea was totally better though... 
Next I helped a boy scout gain his badges. He had to chisel a log into something creative, and then put out a dummy on fire (I'm not even going to ask how that happened) so I gave him the most useful tool I could think of - a watering can. It was more effective than I thought it would be. He bandaged up the not-very-burnt-looking dummy from head to toe with a pretty little bow on top, and then ran off. 
Badass Scout... With Lace Glasses!
Next I had to give him some safety equipment for firing a weapon at a target. Some accidental typo led to me giving him lace goggles instead of lab goggles (I don't know how that even works, but there you go), and apparently that was sufficient enough protection for the bazooka I gave him to fire. So (after an accidental mishap with a grenade in which I had to do it all over again), the scout got his badges, and I gots me a Starite. 
I continued exploring until I came across a pilgrim who wanted a career change, new home... pretty much an entire new life. He wanted to be either a carpenter, farmer or banker, and I needed to give him an object to make it so. I gave him a candle, for no particular reason, and then a pitchfork. He transformed before my very eyes into a farmer, and dropped the candle. Which set fire to the rope on his cart, which in turn set fire to the cow. I got a message saying my cow randomly died of typhoid and I needed to find a suitable animal replacement. I would've thought the flames killed him first.
The Strongest Hamster Known To Man
Apparently a hamster was a suitable cart puller. Who'd have thought, eh?
Then he wanted to learn how to hunt for food. I gave him a caveman who taught him how to use a shotgun. Man I love the realism in this game. He proceeded to shoot a cow which exploded into loads of steaks. It was a beautiful moment. But I wish it was a pig, so it could rain bacon. 
Now that is a point... create lots of bacon and have a bacon party....